Issue Five: I and my Parasocial Relationships
Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence
From the moment I got my first Android phone when I was about to enter university, YouTube has been a big part of my life. I've had my makeup phase, ASMR phase, mukbang phase, Nigerian movies phase, Aki and Pawpaw phase, vlog phase, cooking videos phase, and many more.
I had to stop watching TV very young because my eyesight was terrible and I didn't like wearing my glasses, and when I got my phone, I can’t remember if Netflix was a thing and even if it was, I doubt if I'd have been able to afford it. So YouTube was my happy place.
The first set of people I really connected with was Dearra and Ken. I loved them so much and I already knew about them from secondary school. They were together, they vlogged a lot. I watched so many of their vlogs that I felt like I knew them personally. They broke up a few years ago and I cried. I wasn't a part of their relationship, I wasn't even a part of their lives but it hurt me deeply. I remember one time Ken cheated, I posted about how men were shit and my ex-boyfriend had to dm me cause our breakup was recent and he thought I was shading him.
Aside DK4L, I loved Jackie Aina. I wasn't into makeup. Looking back, I watched her videos for many years before I even touched makeup or was interested in makeup in any way. But I could watch Jackie do her makeup and talk about anything and everything. I loved listening to her talk so much. Crazy that now, I can't remember anything she said but I spent hours listening to her talk while watching her do her makeup. When you spend hours watching and listening to someone, you start to feel like you know the person, I felt like Jackie was my older sister.
I started watching Dimma Umeh quite early too. There was something about watching a Nigerian in Nigeria. It was closer to home, so I connected with her even deeper than the others. When Dimma was on CNN and was excited about it, I was jumping at home too like we were friends. When she got engaged last year, I got so happy I started crying.
Dodos was someone else I discovered on YouTube. I discovered her much later compared to the others - about two years ago through a series she did with her friends “To All the Girls”. It was a short series but it had a great impression on me that I started to feel like I knew Dodos like she was my friend. When I heard she gave birth, I was too excited.
Jenn Im is one of the only people on my list who's not black, someone I used to watch and I still watch. I love the way Jenn talks, it's obvious she thinks things through before she speaks and she puts them in such a nice way. Whenever Jenn spoke about something, it was like she was teaching me. It's from Jenn I heard about parasocial relationships. She made a video where she explained that the relationship we (her viewers) have with her is different from the relationship she has with us. We see her as a person but she sees all of us as a group and doesn't know us individually.
That was the first time I ever heard the term, that was even the first time I realized it was a concept. Before this day, I knew the truth that they didn't know me but still thought somewhere in my head that these YouTubers I loved were my friends. But hearing Jenn explain it that day, made me understand the concept.
I have evolved a lot from who I was when I got my first phone. I'm still a YouTube girlie but I have other options so I don't spend as much time as I used to on that platform. Also YouTube has changed and the people who created the content I used to consume have moved on. Dearra and Ken broke up and while I still watch Dearra’s vlogs sometimes, it's not the same. Jackie Aina isn't on the platform as much as she used to and doesn't create makeup content anymore. Dimma is recently married and while she said she's still going to be putting out content, she hasn't in a while. Dodos brings out content once in a while but I'm yearning for a show like the first I saw. And there are rumors that Jenn is going through a separation from her husband so whenever I watch her videos nowadays, I'm looking for signs to prove that something is off.
I've had a deep connection with these YouTubers, they’ve been a huge part of my life. And I feel that's something long-form content like YouTube has but you can't really get from short-form content like TikTok and Reels.
I've cried with them, laughed with them, been excited with them, been sad with them. And while these people don't know me and to them, I fall under the broad category called subscribers. I'm glad I had them in my life at the time I did. And that I got to experience a part of their lives through their content as that has contributed to who I am now.
Do you feel deeply connected with people who don’t know you exist? I’d like to know that I’m not the only one.
Book I’m reading
Still Soldiers of Fortune by Max Siollun. It’s a good book but I don’t think non-fiction is my cup of tea.
Movie I’m Seeing
Game of Thrones. I’m in season 5 already and I’m still really enjoying it. I don’t Petyr Baelish though, she’s such a snake. I really hope he doesn’t hurt Sansa.
Stuff I’m listening to
I didn’t listen to much this week. A few songs here and there but nothing that stuck.